“I’m Speaking!” Incantation

After June Jordan

I SAID I KNOW WHO I AM AND I WANT
THE WAR ON GAZA TO STOP

I SAID I WANT THE BOMBING TO STOP STOP
HEARTS TO BURST THIS HORROR STOP

I SAID I WANT CEASEFIRE 416 DAYS AGO
76 YEARS AGO STOP

I WANT
TO HAVE BEEN WRONG OCTOBER 7

I WANT TO HAVE BEEN WRONG WHEN
I KNEW BLOODSHED AND GASLIGHTING WOULD ENSUE

I WANT TO HAVE NOT
KNOWN MY MOTHER’S HOMELAND WOULD BE NEXT

I WANT WANT
RAGE TO SPEW FROM EVERYONE I’VE MET NEVER MET

I WANT TO HAVE STOOD UP
SOONER LOUDER PROUDER

I WANT TO NOT
BE THIS TOKEN ARAB IN THIS SMALL TOWN

I WANT TO NOT
BE THE ACTIVIST IN THIS FOREST

THE GRIEF POET IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
I WANT TO LIVE
IN A WORLD WHERE THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
NEVER WOULD HAVE ESCALATED THIS LONG THIS WRONG

                                                   *

YOU SAY, “I’M SPEAKING!”
I SAY, “I’M SPEAKING!”

YOU AMPLIFY YOUR LIES AND ENSURE MY SILENCE
I MAGNIFY YOUR FEARS AND REVEAL YOUR VIOLENCE

AND I HAVE BEGUN
I BEGIN TO BELIEVE MAYBE

MAYBE MAYBE
THIS IS NOT A WARNING
BUT AN INVITATION
AN INCANTATION

MAYBE MAYBE
MY LIFE WAS LEADING ME TO THIS MOMENT
WHEN I BEGAN TO BECOME
WHO I ALWAYS WAS

MAYBE MAYBE
THE SUFFERING BROUGHT THE LIGHT
THE HEARTBREAK MADE THE MOON
THE SUNSET PUSHED THE DAY

SO I COULD BECOME
BECOME MY MOTHER’S ARAB DAUGHTER
SO I COULD BECOME
WHO I WAS ALWAYS TOO AFRAID TO BE

I AM ROCKING MYSELF
IN THE ARMS OF JUSTICE

I AM TASTING MYSELF
IN THE MOUTH OF THE FALL

*Italics are from June Jordan’s Intifada Incantation: Poem #8 for b.b.L

*This poem was the winner of the poetry category of our 14th annual Writing in the Margins contest, judged by Natalie Wee. We gratefully acknowledge the financial support of the Regina Public Interest Research Group (RPIRG) for this year’s contest.