10 straight questions

Learning about the heterosexuals among us

Let’s face it: there are lots of heterosexuals out there! Why not take a few moments to learn a little more about them? Next time you meet a heterosexual at a party, at a check-out line, or in an elevator, you should ask them a few of these simple questions.

They’ll be touched and honoured by your interest in their lifestyle!

Careful! Some heterosexuals may get irrationally defensive when asked about their lifestyle. If your questions are met with hostility, simply reassure your conversant that you’re striving to be more tolerant of their difference, and that their frank answers will help you be a better, more understanding person.

1. When did you first decide to be heterosexual?
2. Have you told your family about your heterosexuality? How did they react?
3. Do you think your heterosexuality might just be a phase you’re going through?
4. What do heterosexuals do in bed?
5. How can people of opposite sexes really please each other, when there are such vast biological and emotional differences?
6. Are you concerned that your children might turn out heterosexual, too?
7. Why do you think there is so much divorce in heterosexual relationships, despite all the support for the institution of marriage?
8. More than 90 percent of child molesters are thought to be heterosexual. Would you feel comfortable entrusting your children’s education to a heterosexual teacher?
9. Penetrative sex is most common among heterosexual couples. Don’t you worry about getting AIDS?
10. Considering the world’s rapidly growing population, don’t you think it would be a problem if everyone were straight like you?

Insprired by and adapted from a questionnaire by the Gay and Lesbian Educators of BC that appeared in antithesis (Vol. 12 No. 1), a publication of the Simon Fraser Public Interest Research Group.